Happy new year!
A new friend of mine, who is a wonderful communicator, has led me to some self examination through which I have realized that within the the stress and rigor of my midwifery program, I have slacked off in my own communication and connection with many people in my life. It was this communication and relationship that helped me through Peace Corps. Though the difficulties of the last 2.5 years have been less tangible, in some ways, than those I experienced abroad, the readjustment and academic challenge - along with living in a new place and trying as a "feeler" to exist and feel nourished in an intense "thinking" community - have led me to somewhat isolate myself emotionally. Of course it is easy to blame the situation etc etc for these feelings. That's what I've been doing. However, I see now that God has given me the skills to communicate, emotional depth to connect and friends that care for me so that I would not find myself feeling lonely. So, instead of wishing for things to change, I am taking action and reaching out.
Communication.
This semester is going to challenge me further - this is certain. I am entering into my "integration" semester during which I will be working full time as a midwife / apprentice midwife. I have finished my classes for the program and now have these three months to prove myself, refine my skills and prepare to be an independent practitioner (terrifying!). I am living at home in Houston and working at a birth center just 5 miles from my mom's house. The birth center has one midwife - the lone practitioner - who does around 15 births per month in addition to GYN well-woman care and prenatal care. Needless to say, it is going to be intense. I'm working 2 full days (M,W) and 2 half days (T,TH) in the clinic, will be on call for deliveries 24/7 and have additional academic requirements for the semester along with my thesis to complete before I return to New Haven mid-April to take my comp exams and graduate. I'm going to be tired and overworked. I'm going to be emotional and occasionally overwhelmed. I'm going to have wonderful moments and totally inept moments. I will have moments in which I am high on this new profession I've chosen and others where I believe, with certainty, that I have spent way too much money on something that is not for me at all. I'm likely not going to have much time/ time at reasonable hours of the day to talk on the phone, go out, connect etc. So, I'm going to write. My goal is to send weekly. This is my new years resolution to be more connected, more open and more carried, not only by God but by you wonderful people that He's put in my life to help me along....yes, that means I need help. ;-p
I know you are all busy too, dear reader. But, if you can occasionally find time to respond/comment, it would be deeply appreciated and treasured. You are truly important to me and honestly help carry me along. I want you to know that, even when I am quiet for periods of time, I am appreciative of your friendship.
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